I met someone at the weekend. We’d matched on Tinder last week, got talking, made plans to meet. After four days of all day texting, one night mid reply, he calls me. I thought it was an accident but no, there’s something he needs to tell me. My smile froze on my face and words... Continue Reading →
I used to blame the ebbs and flows of interest I had in some men to the emotional highs and lows of my mental health. And ... that's exactly what it is. However, throw in some temporary sobriety, exercise, and being off my meds, I've (not for the first time) realised, I choose the wrong... Continue Reading →
I’ve written about this before, but it’s really spooky the way men from my past come out of the woodwork within days of becoming single. The Serbian fuck buddy who relishes my experience. The older surfer who doesn’t want a relationship but is obsessed with my butt. The married guy I never met but routinely... Continue Reading →
After more than nine months without contact, Tom slid into my inbox. I was angry, so angry. I didn’t believe his reason for contacting me. It’s no longer his business what I’m doing or how I am. But, there he was. An unread email. We back and forthed, my anger a hot white rage. I... Continue Reading →
I slept with Tom, three months after we called it off forever. He picked me up from the pub I was drinking at with a friend, drove us to his office and we fucked on his desk. Everything was familiar but everything was different. He knew, I think, how fragile our truce was. I had... Continue Reading →
It’s pretty common for me to fall down after a high. My psych told me to set up lots of small highs rather than a few big ones to stop the fall from being so severe but it doesn’t appear to be working. I completed my learners motorcycle course today but, as seems to be... Continue Reading →
For those playing at home, I received my marks back for my research undertaken for my Masters this week. I received a high distinction which gives me a final GPA of 6.83 out of 7. I believe this not only makes me eligible for a Dean's award for this past academic year, but I think... Continue Reading →
We have responsibilities as humans, as people, not to fuck with the feelings of other people. We may not always ask for them or feel like we intentionally evoked them, but when we become aware of someone having feelings for us it is a basic tenet of respect that we communicate with that person with... Continue Reading →
You’re waiting at the top of the stairs for me. I walk up slowly, counting each one as my foot hits the tread. Twenty-one steps in all. I don’t pause at the top but walk straight past you and into your office. You follow me in, watching me walk, stilettos clack against the polished concrete.... Continue Reading →
Going cold turkey is never easy. The first couple of days I am buoyed by hurt and anger, steadfast in my decision, confident I deserve better. By day four, my resolve starts to weaken. I find myself thinking of you in the shower, in the car, watching TV, eating breakfast. I start to check my... Continue Reading →
Maybe because it's overcast and drizzling rain but my mood is all bad teenage poetry today. I'm totally aware how pathetic it sounds and how poorly it's written but all that combined speaks to the way I feel right now. Indulge me in my melancholy. We’ve shared a bed but never a meal.We’ve exchanged messages... Continue Reading →
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