How do I like thee? Um …

The Tortoise put me on the spot last night while we lay in bed and asked me what I liked about him. You know in these circumstances, it’s always problematic to hesitate. But I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t even pause. In fact, a whole two minutes passed before I could conjure up even one thing... Continue Reading →

Punished by the memories of broken relationships

We punish the men in our future for the mistakes of the men from our past. And this is why I got dressed in the dark and drove home from his house at 3am. I had been laying awake for hours. It occurred to me that every night I had stayed there we had downed... Continue Reading →

The best kind of sex

If I thought the sex on our first night together was good, our fourth night was outstanding. The kind of sex you want to bottle and drizzle liberally all over yourself when you’re single and alone and need a reminder of how great sex should be. He thought it was as good as the first... Continue Reading →

Oh no, there’s an emergency

I called in an emergency on Saturday night. I know, I know, it's not very nice but it seems like such a less awkward way to get out of a date you don't want to be on. And to be fair, I gave him a good 35 minutes to wow me but the only surprise... Continue Reading →

The tortoise and the mad rooter

He called me a “mad rooter”. Of course, there’s nothing mad about it. The way I fuck is the way I fuck. It’s honest, it’s frequently intense and it’s almost always loud. But I guess I don’t think about the way I fuck in those terms because it’s just who I am and what I’ve... Continue Reading →

And the Boy still doesn’t want the Girl

My avid readers might recall the Boy from my Boy meets Girl tale from late last year. After it ended quite suddenly and without explanation, I quit the dating apps and gave myself until the new year to have a break and reset. As it happened, I had no sooner logged back on on 2... Continue Reading →

The pursuit of happiness

Happiness takes effort. This was my takeaway from yesterday’s session with my psych. I’d told her that I had given up dating for the rest of this year. I am exhausted and frankly, sick of talking about it, writing about it, worrying about it. The energy it has consumed could be channelled so much more... Continue Reading →

This is the story of when a girl met a boy

Girl meets boy. Girl and boy like each other. Girl and boy have several dates. Girl and boy don't fuck. Boy tells girl he's worried he's not good enough. Boy stops messaging. Girl ends it with boy. Girl messages boy. Boy is happy to hear from girl. Girl asks if they can try again. Boy... Continue Reading →

Why dating and hypomania don’t mix

I have quit the dating apps. Yes, I know, it’s about fucking time, and certainly not the first time I’ve said I would. But, they are gone, and my profiles have been deleted. It’s made me realise how much time I wasted on swiping, on responding to messages that went nowhere, of being grossed out... Continue Reading →

‘Cause the players gonna play

The lesson from the universe this month seems to be “trust your gut instinct”. Too many occasions since A, I have ignored my gut and paid for it in negative consequences. This morning I have woken up knowing that, yet again, I should have made better choices when my instincts were urging me to. From... Continue Reading →

You may call me Mistress: Part 1

He answered the door wearing his collar, like I’d told him to. A muffled clink gave away the secret beneath his clothes. He’d been wearing the cage around his cock since early that morning, after admitting he touched himself when he woke up. It was now 7.30pm.  I sidestepped around his welcome kiss and put my... Continue Reading →

A gentle domination

Tied to the bed by my wrists and ankles, I was at his mercy. Perhaps I should have been more afraid given how little I knew him. But something about him was innately gentle despite the bag of floggers, paddles, gags and toys next to the bed. He struggled with the restraints, admitting he was... Continue Reading →

Dating 101: Finding a dark horse

A last minute date. Nerves. It had been awhile. The banter, while good, hadn’t been going for very long. An exchange of jokes rather than the banalities of our jobs, the weather ... Still, it was unexpected to find myself at his front door. Even on the drive over I considered texting an excuse. Staying... Continue Reading →

Wanted, enquire within: unqualified men to lick vagina

Imposter syndrome. It’s a HR term most women can probably relate to and I’m guessing most men don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s usually applied to people who feel unworthy or unqualified for positions, even once they are appointed. They are haunted by this syndrome of always fearing they will get “found out” for... Continue Reading →

Latched on and letting go

I was recently reminded in a very loving and gentle way that when you keep making the same mistakes over and over, it starts to piss off the people around you. They love you and all, but it’s that whole “if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll always get the same result”. Well,... Continue Reading →

One year on

My Facebook memories kindly reminded me today that one year ago I was dumped via text message by a man I'd been seeing for eight months. A man I practically lived with. Facebook can fuck off. Tonight I tried to get the man I'm seeing to in some way say some small thing to make... Continue Reading →

How to not find love through speed dating

I’m not sure what my expectations were for speed dating beyond being incredibly low. Did I believe my “person” was going to find me by moving clockwise from table to table, casually pull up a stool and blow my mind with his intelligence, wit, charm in seven minutes? No. Did I think I might find... Continue Reading →

All the butterflies are dead

For the first time in a long time … Not a fuck buddy, or a fling, dating that goes nowhere or a string of messages that peter out because we have run out of inconsequential nothings to talk about and the effort of being witty is just all too much to be bothered with. I... Continue Reading →

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