How do I like thee? Um …

The Tortoise put me on the spot last night while we lay in bed and asked me what I liked about him. You know in these circumstances, it’s always problematic to hesitate. But I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t even pause. In fact, a whole two minutes passed before I could conjure up even one thing... Continue Reading →

Punished by the memories of broken relationships

We punish the men in our future for the mistakes of the men from our past. And this is why I got dressed in the dark and drove home from his house at 3am. I had been laying awake for hours. It occurred to me that every night I had stayed there we had downed... Continue Reading →

The best kind of sex

If I thought the sex on our first night together was good, our fourth night was outstanding. The kind of sex you want to bottle and drizzle liberally all over yourself when you’re single and alone and need a reminder of how great sex should be. He thought it was as good as the first... Continue Reading →

Oh no, there’s an emergency

I called in an emergency on Saturday night. I know, I know, it's not very nice but it seems like such a less awkward way to get out of a date you don't want to be on. And to be fair, I gave him a good 35 minutes to wow me but the only surprise... Continue Reading →

The tortoise and the mad rooter

He called me a “mad rooter”. Of course, there’s nothing mad about it. The way I fuck is the way I fuck. It’s honest, it’s frequently intense and it’s almost always loud. But I guess I don’t think about the way I fuck in those terms because it’s just who I am and what I’ve... Continue Reading →

Letting go of what’s bad for me

Going cold turkey is never easy. The first couple of days I am buoyed by hurt and anger, steadfast in my decision, confident I deserve better. By day four, my resolve starts to weaken. I find myself thinking of you in the shower, in the car, watching TV, eating breakfast. I start to check my... Continue Reading →

How to find your zen, again

A quiet is starting to settle back over me, almost like waking up breathing freely after a cold. The snot has all been shaken loose, and I can draw clear, deep breaths. There’s a stillness in my limbs as though a fluttering bird is resting. Lighter despite inevitably rounding out the year weighing more. Ha,... Continue Reading →

The pursuit of happiness

Happiness takes effort. This was my takeaway from yesterday’s session with my psych. I’d told her that I had given up dating for the rest of this year. I am exhausted and frankly, sick of talking about it, writing about it, worrying about it. The energy it has consumed could be channelled so much more... Continue Reading →

Why is simple so hard to find

I wrote this last week to him ... the words are still resonating. Sometimes I wonder why I treat myself the way I do. "As you’ve rightly pointed out previously, there’s nothing to say we’d even get along were we able to actually date or whatever. But I’ll never get the chance to find out... Continue Reading →

Old habits are hard to break

Sometimes I truly believe in the power that thinking about someone can evoke. Those shit motivationals about positive thinking, and what you put out, you get back kinda stuff. The feel-good post on Pinterest that endlessly does the rounds on my feed suggesting that if you’re laying awake thinking about someone, they are laying awake... Continue Reading →

‘Cause the players gonna play

The lesson from the universe this month seems to be “trust your gut instinct”. Too many occasions since A, I have ignored my gut and paid for it in negative consequences. This morning I have woken up knowing that, yet again, I should have made better choices when my instincts were urging me to. From... Continue Reading →

Timing … we never had it

A few weeks ago, we had a video chat. It was late on a Saturday, maybe even Sunday morning by the time we hung up. We’d each been drinking but it was tiredness that made our eyes red and heavy. You were in your bed, and I was in mine. Hundreds of kilometres separated us but... Continue Reading →

How to stop self-fuckery becoming sabotage

Last night I cried myself to sleep. It was mostly ridiculous but the tears came anyway. I tried to remember the last time I had cried over a man. It was probably Married but it feels like forever ago instead of four months. This year has flown and yet nothing has really happened. I mean,... Continue Reading →

You may call me Mistress: Part 2

Ready as I was ever going to be, I ordered him to the bedroom where I met him with a long kiss. I gripped the riding crop in my right hand and roughly grabbed the cage encasing his cock with my left. I whispered in his ear: “Are you ready to play, my slutty little... Continue Reading →

You may call me Mistress: Part 1

He answered the door wearing his collar, like I’d told him to. A muffled clink gave away the secret beneath his clothes. He’d been wearing the cage around his cock since early that morning, after admitting he touched himself when he woke up. It was now 7.30pm.  I sidestepped around his welcome kiss and put my... Continue Reading →

A gentle domination

Tied to the bed by my wrists and ankles, I was at his mercy. Perhaps I should have been more afraid given how little I knew him. But something about him was innately gentle despite the bag of floggers, paddles, gags and toys next to the bed. He struggled with the restraints, admitting he was... Continue Reading →

Dating 101: Finding a dark horse

A last minute date. Nerves. It had been awhile. The banter, while good, hadn’t been going for very long. An exchange of jokes rather than the banalities of our jobs, the weather ... Still, it was unexpected to find myself at his front door. Even on the drive over I considered texting an excuse. Staying... Continue Reading →

Wanted, enquire within: unqualified men to lick vagina

Imposter syndrome. It’s a HR term most women can probably relate to and I’m guessing most men don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s usually applied to people who feel unworthy or unqualified for positions, even once they are appointed. They are haunted by this syndrome of always fearing they will get “found out” for... Continue Reading →

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