Zapped by lightning

There are not many times in my life I’ve had a conversation with someone for the first time and been zapped by an instant connection. The kind that makes my voice go high and girly, where I find myself playing with my hair and smiling while nodding at every word they utter. ChrisNotChris was one... Continue Reading →

Thinking of me, thinking of you

It took me days to realise I was actively not thinking about you. I could feel the mania setting in – the insatiable need for distraction, to be busy, to be occupied. I spent hours on social media, trawling the same stories again and again, refreshing apps impulsively looking for a hit, a rush, something... Continue Reading →

The break up test: relief or sadness

“So, which is it? Relief or sadness?” “I don’t know.” When someone says they don’t know how they feel when you’re breaking up, it means they feel relief, and don’t want to admit it. Everyone is hurting enough already. Why tell them you’re relieved it’s over as well? Relief or sadness. Relief and sadness. Rarely... Continue Reading →

The tale of the pretty little slave

“Do you like that my pretty slave?” “Yes master.” “You like it when I pull your hair?” “Yes master.” “Tell me how much you like it.” “I love it when you pull my hair, master.” My hands were bound, white rope biting my wrists, its length tied to the bed head, taut. My arms were... Continue Reading →

Three men and a mountain

10 November 2017 I fucked three different men on this trip. I’ve thought a lot about why, my motivations, what I got out of it and enjoyed about it. And I’ve decided that it was because I wanted to. With Shane and Bryan I had a near instant attraction. Craig was more a slow burn.... Continue Reading →

Looking down on Dingboche: reflections on dating and divorce

31 October 2017 Today was a rest and acclimatisation day in Dingboche. We woke late and breakfasted before lightly loading our daypacks for a short hike. The path we would take began behind our teahouse and we met many other groups heading up the same path. The barren landscapes above 4,000m mean it’s easy to... Continue Reading →

Those three little words

There’s something magical about someone saying they love you for the first time. Your mouth widens involuntarily into a stupid grin, your heart beats faster and you giggle like a schoolgirl at a slumber party. At least that was the case when J said it to me yesterday. It took me by surprise given we... Continue Reading →

Mountain of my making: Journey to Everest Base Camp

After the disappointment I experienced climbing Mt Kilimanjaro (see Climbing a mountain to nowhere), I threw myself into baby-making. We’d been trying for coming on two years without telling anyone bar my bestie. Kilimanjaro had been a good distraction for me, scheduling in training hikes and trawling the gear and equipment stores for those must-have... Continue Reading →

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