Ever have one of those days where you wake up crying? Drive to a meeting crying? Cry outside the meeting, cry in the bathroom at the meeting venue, cry on the drive home, cry at home? Where you cry when someone asks you a question or you have to speak about a job you loved... Continue Reading →
Patterns of my life
There’s patterns of behaviour, of events, of situations that seem to shape my life. In four days I will finish up at the job I have (mostly) loved for the past three years. I say three years because on Thursday it will literally be three years – to the day – since I started in... Continue Reading →
Liar liar, I’m so fucking tired
It’s happened again. A man I fell for has been a liar the whole time. And not for the first time, a man has lied to me about how many kids he has. Anyone who knows me knows the one thing you can’t lie to me about, and expect forgiveness, is kids. I don’t care... Continue Reading →
The arsehole indoctrination
I made my psychologist teary yesterday. It’s only the second time that’s happened in three or so years and perhaps, some would say, it shouldn’t happen at all. But I think it makes her human. What baffled me – and her – about yesterday’s tearful moment was what we were discussing. She asked me to... Continue Reading →
The lovers, the dreamers and me
I’ve decided that 2023 will be my year of saying yes. Yes to new experiences, like going to watch the Rugby7s (I know, sports - blergh). Yes to new adventures, like returning to Nepal. And yes to new love. Yes peeps, this cynical sop has fallen in love. It started out awkwardly on Christmas Day.... Continue Reading →
Just because
Last night, I received “just because” flowers. It was just another Wednesday but we’d discussed having dinner together when we said goodbye on the weekend. He messaged me when he left work and I started cooking a few minutes before he was due. When he arrived, he handed over the Christmas gift I’d asked him... Continue Reading →
Salty hair, sandy butt and a fuck
It’s amazing what some sand and water does for my wellbeing. I’ve been getting to the beach as much as I can but this week’s unexpected leave has allowed me to spend even more time in my favourite place. Today I lay on the sand reading my book for about four hours. Sure, I had... Continue Reading →
What’s in a name? Everything.
I met someone at the weekend. We’d matched on Tinder last week, got talking, made plans to meet. After four days of all day texting, one night mid reply, he calls me. I thought it was an accident but no, there’s something he needs to tell me. My smile froze on my face, words died... Continue Reading →
A long overdue spring clean
I used to blame the ebbs and flows of interest I had in some men to the emotional highs and lows of my mental health. And ... that's exactly what it is. However, throw in some temporary sobriety, exercise, and being off my meds, I've (not for the first time) realised, I choose the wrong... Continue Reading →
The dating radius
I met someone I liked unexpectedly at a party. He was smart and witty, interesting to talk to, with ambition and charisma and all those things you look for. We went round for round after the bar tab closed, and he put his hand around my waist as he leaned down to hear me speak... Continue Reading →
There were four in my bed and my mental health said …
I slept with four different men last week. None were strangers to me, like that somehow makes a difference, but I’ll point it out anyway. I’ve done worse, as my long-term readers know from the three-in-a-day episode several years ago but it’s been a long time since I’ve smashed (forgive the pun) out so many... Continue Reading →
The mistress returns
Sunday morningActually thinking cage for the day. Haven’t worn it for awhileDoes that still work for you when no one has ordered you to wear it?Yea it does. It’s all fun.Hot.It’s much better when someone has the key. But hey. Got to do what we go to do.What happened to date girl?Another one goneSo I’ll... Continue Reading →
Sad memories in a motel
Six days since he ended it. I’ve been pre-occupied with work which has helped but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to keep thoughts of him at bay. Last night I couldn’t sleep. The sadness is creeping in. I felt it washing over me in the quiet of this afternoon. I left my motel and started... Continue Reading →
Learning old lessons … again
A few years ago, I wrote about relief and sadness in break-ups. That if the break-up comes with a feeling of relief, you know it’s for the best. The signs were there, you just ignored them. If there are only feelings of sadness, you genuinely didn’t see it coming or didn’t see the challenges as... Continue Reading →
A contented little vegemite
I open a new document and prepare to write. My hands are poised over the keyboard ready to digitally reveal my innermost turmoil. My screen remains blank. My head is empty. No, not empty. Clear. Organised, stacked and catalogued thoughts. I sit and stare at the blank screen. There must be something; some barb to... Continue Reading →
When you love someone
Being scared of losing someone you love makes you do stupid things. The near constant self-doubt, the endless torment of thinking the next time they look at you they will realise how incredibly unworthy you are of them. When everything feels too good to be real, you wait for the pinch that will wake you... Continue Reading →
Moving out and moving on
It’s been a few weeks and shit is getting real. My house goes on the market today (eek), and I have an open house on the weekend. I want out of here and the bad dating karma it’s attracted. Sure, that could also be me, but easier to blame the bathroom tiles with dolphins on... Continue Reading →
They’re just not that into me
There is something wrong with me, I am now sure of it. If I cared about sports, my stats would show a plummeting batting average, striking out more often than not or being run out at first. My dating life has passed the comical let’s regale my friends with funny stories stage and instead is... Continue Reading →
