I told a stranger her husband was a cheat

And my shit decisions just keep on coming. Seriously, I am like a fucking magnet for arseholes at the moment and this morning, I potentially ruined some woman’s life. Now, we all know dobbing on married men isn’t something I do. I have no leg to stand on when it comes to that. But this... Continue Reading →

‘Cause the players gonna play

The lesson from the universe this month seems to be “trust your gut instinct”. Too many occasions since A, I have ignored my gut and paid for it in negative consequences. This morning I have woken up knowing that, yet again, I should have made better choices when my instincts were urging me to. From... Continue Reading →

Happy Not A Father’s Day

The moment I realised how terribly my infertility was affecting my ex-husband was on Father’s Day in 2015. He posted this picture on Facebook which at first glance appears to be a celebration of not being a dad. It’s a reference to an episode of How I Met Your Mother in which Barney celebrates a... Continue Reading →

All by myself

A few days ago, I decided to do what everyone does at Christmas-time and actually book accommodation on the coast somewhere. It’s not something I’ve done since I was a kid with my family but with year the way it has been, it’s likely to be the only kind of holiday I’ll get. As I... Continue Reading →

Timing … we never had it

A few weeks ago, we had a video chat. It was late on a Saturday, maybe even Sunday morning by the time we hung up. We’d each been drinking but it was tiredness that made our eyes red and heavy. You were in your bed, and I was in mine. Hundreds of kilometres separated us but... Continue Reading →

When hope holds you back

My psych asked me yesterday if I had considered calling him to tell him how I felt, suggesting that maybe he thought I wouldn't answer a call from him. Or what would I do if he contacted me and told me it was all a mistake. What would I do if he contacted me in... Continue Reading →

Wise words from my friend

On Friday night I had a crash. Not spectacular by my standards but a descent into a pretty dark place. I was halfway through icing 100-plus gingerbread men for my family’s Christmas in July dinner (last night when he met them). Icing bag poised in mid-air, I couldn’t breathe. I dropped the bag into the... Continue Reading →

And just like that

He broke up with me tonight after meeting my family. I’m a bit of a mess.

How to stop self-fuckery becoming sabotage

Last night I cried myself to sleep. It was mostly ridiculous but the tears came anyway. I tried to remember the last time I had cried over a man. It was probably Married but it feels like forever ago instead of four months. This year has flown and yet nothing has really happened. I mean,... Continue Reading →

How not to talk to a childless woman

It was six years this month since I found out I would never conceive using my own eggs. Six years since I fell into a deep depression, had weeks off work, starting drinking at 9.30am and cried every day. Next month, it will be six years since I started seeing a psychologist regularly to work... Continue Reading →

You may call me Mistress: Part 2

Ready as I was ever going to be, I ordered him to the bedroom where I met him with a long kiss. I gripped the riding crop in my right hand and roughly grabbed the cage encasing his cock with my left. I whispered in his ear: “Are you ready to play, my slutty little... Continue Reading →

You may call me Mistress: Part 1

He answered the door wearing his collar, like I’d told him to. A muffled clink gave away the secret beneath his clothes. He’d been wearing the cage around his cock since early that morning, after admitting he touched himself when he woke up. It was now 7.30pm.  I sidestepped around his welcome kiss and put my... Continue Reading →

How to lose your self-esteem in four words

A boy sent me an unsolicited message. I call him a boy and not a man for reasons that will soon become clear. The boy’s opening message says “hey gorgeous, how are you and why on earth are you single?” It’s Monday morning and I’m forever too open. “The same reason that anyone is single, I guess.... Continue Reading →

A gentle domination

Tied to the bed by my wrists and ankles, I was at his mercy. Perhaps I should have been more afraid given how little I knew him. But something about him was innately gentle despite the bag of floggers, paddles, gags and toys next to the bed. He struggled with the restraints, admitting he was... Continue Reading →

Dating 101: Finding a dark horse

A last minute date. Nerves. It had been awhile. The banter, while good, hadn’t been going for very long. An exchange of jokes rather than the banalities of our jobs, the weather ... Still, it was unexpected to find myself at his front door. Even on the drive over I considered texting an excuse. Staying... Continue Reading →

Wanted, enquire within: underqualified men to lick vagina

Imposter syndrome. It’s a HR term most women can probably relate to and I’m guessing most men don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s usually applied to people who feel unworthy or unqualified for positions, even once they are appointed. They are haunted by this syndrome of always fearing they will get “found out” for... Continue Reading →

Latched on and letting go

I was recently reminded in a very loving and gentle way that when you keep making the same mistakes over and over, it starts to piss off the people around you. They love you and all, but it’s that whole “if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll always get the same result”. Well,... Continue Reading →

Save a sext, ride a farmer

An unexpected surprise from being back on the dating apps is the past lovers who slide back into your DMs and into your life. A little over two years ago I was seeing the farmer, a super lovely divorced guy a few years older. We dated about six weeks, a true summer lovin’ romance that... Continue Reading →

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