They’re just not that into me

There is something wrong with me, I am now sure of it. If I cared about sports, my stats would show a plummeting batting average, striking out more often than not or being run out at first. My dating life has passed the comical let’s regale my friends with funny stories stage and instead is... Continue Reading →

This one’s for the ladies …

It is a truth universally (among my friends at least) acknowledged, that a straight woman in possession of a good sex drive, must be in want of a good dick. And ladies, I recently got to fuck the most delightful dick. Practically perfect in every way, if Michelangelo had carved it himself from the finest... Continue Reading →

How old is too old?

Right, readers, I need some advice. It’s not often I don’t have a gut feeling one way or the other but at the moment I am genuinely unsure. I need to know how old is too old or if there is even such a thing as too old. A 48-year-old man, turning 49 in November,... Continue Reading →

Breaking the drought

Lockdowns have killed my sex life. The ache was starting to infect my dreams. I was waking myself up gripping the bed sheets tight, legs thrown over them while dream me fucked figments of my imagination. It had been over a month now and my mood was fading faster than I could keep my vibes... Continue Reading →

The sound of warmth

I didn’t walk this morning, the first time in many weeks where the thought of getting out of bed was too much for my head to handle. I scrolled through the overnight news on Twitter and the world felt dark. Bleak. There was so much sadness and tragedy unfolding around the globe and here at... Continue Reading →

It’s been two weeks and three days

It’s been two weeks and three days since I had sex and, I believe, the longest I have gone without in … years? I’ve thought long and hard about this but with the exception of a 12-day run when I was hiking to base camp and back, I can’t recall another dry stint that comes... Continue Reading →

Fuck the friend zone, that fucker is dead to me

Have you ever wanted to vomit someone out of you? Expel every memory and conversation and purge yourself of everything you thought you knew? My alleged best friend of more than two years, Cheyne, is a liar. Not just a liar, a pathological cheat, manipulator and deceitful cretin. A pathetic, lame excuse for a man... Continue Reading →

Salvaging the friend zone

I made a really stupid mistake recently. Yes, another one. I decided to “give it a go” with someone who has loved me for a long time but whom I have never had the same feelings for. I’ve known this for a long time. He’s known this for a long time. But one cold Saturday... Continue Reading →

Out of hibernation

I slept with Tom, three months after we called it off forever. He picked me up from the pub I was drinking at with a friend, drove us to his office and we fucked on his desk. Everything was familiar but everything was different. He knew, I think, how fragile our truce was. I had... Continue Reading →

For fuck’s sake

I am so fucking glad he didn’t disappoint me by leading me on so spectacularly. I thought what he said last week he meant. The “I love yous” that just slip out are usually genuine, from a place of true feeling. Turns out, completely fucking wrong. The man doesn’t even want to be in a... Continue Reading →

Falling up

It’s pretty common for me to fall down after a high. My psych told me to set up lots of small highs rather than a few big ones to stop the fall from being so severe but it doesn’t appear to be working. I completed my learners motorcycle course today but, as seems to be... Continue Reading →

How do I like thee? Um …

The Tortoise put me on the spot last night while we lay in bed and asked me what I liked about him. You know in these circumstances, it’s always problematic to hesitate. But I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t even pause. In fact, a whole two minutes passed before I could conjure up even one thing... Continue Reading →

The best kind of sex

If I thought the sex on our first night together was good, our fourth night was outstanding. The kind of sex you want to bottle and drizzle liberally all over yourself when you’re single and alone and need a reminder of how great sex should be. He thought it was as good as the first... Continue Reading →

The tortoise and the mad rooter

He called me a “mad rooter”. Of course, there’s nothing mad about it. The way I fuck is the way I fuck. It’s honest, it’s frequently intense and it’s almost always loud. But I guess I don’t think about the way I fuck in those terms because it’s just who I am and what I’ve... Continue Reading →

Slut shaming is never, ever OK

Slut shaming … I can’t even believe this is still a thing but pathetically, sadly, terribly, there are men out there who still think this is OK. I joined eHarmony, against by better judgement and swallowed hard on the little bit of vomit in my mouth. It is not turning out to be the answer... Continue Reading →

Letting go of what’s bad for me

Going cold turkey is never easy. The first couple of days I am buoyed by hurt and anger, steadfast in my decision, confident I deserve better. By day four, my resolve starts to weaken. I find myself thinking of you in the shower, in the car, watching TV, eating breakfast. I start to check my... Continue Reading →

Why is simple so hard to find

I wrote this last week to him ... the words are still resonating. Sometimes I wonder why I treat myself the way I do. "As you’ve rightly pointed out previously, there’s nothing to say we’d even get along were we able to actually date or whatever. But I’ll never get the chance to find out... Continue Reading →

Old habits are hard to break

Sometimes I truly believe in the power that thinking about someone can evoke. Those shit motivationals about positive thinking, and what you put out, you get back kinda stuff. The feel-good post on Pinterest that endlessly does the rounds on my feed suggesting that if you’re laying awake thinking about someone, they are laying awake... Continue Reading →

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