Out of office and into subspace

I realised how little I’ve been writing this year has a lot to do with knowing who reads these posts. I’ve found myself censoring stories, omitting details, not writing at all, simply because I’m unsure how much is making its way back to people I don’t want in my life anymore. I also know my... Continue Reading →

Inside the loneliest place in the world

I ran into an acquaintance at a festival at the weekend and politely asked after his partner who wasn't with him. In his explanation, he mentioned they had been arguing lately and he suspected his partner had bipolar. I asked why he thought that. What followed was not what I would describe as bipolar but... Continue Reading →

A stranger to fiction no more

One of the most common questions I am asked about my writing is if it's fiction or non-fiction. Out of the 169 posts I've shared, there are exactly two (this one, and this one) which did not happen exactly as written, although both were inspired by real events. Writing fiction, as I am sure I... Continue Reading →

What’s in a name? Everything.

I met someone at the weekend. We’d matched on Tinder last week, got talking, made plans to meet. After four days of all day texting, one night mid reply, he calls me. I thought it was an accident but no, there’s something he needs to tell me. My smile froze on my face, words died... Continue Reading →

A long overdue spring clean

I used to blame the ebbs and flows of interest I had in some men to the emotional highs and lows of my mental health. And ... that's exactly what it is. However, throw in some temporary sobriety, exercise, and being off my meds, I've (not for the first time) realised, I choose the wrong... Continue Reading →

The dating radius

I met someone I liked unexpectedly at a party. He was smart and witty, interesting to talk to, with ambition and charisma and all those things you look for. We went round for round after the bar tab closed, and he put his hand around my waist as he leaned down to hear me speak... Continue Reading →

There were four in my bed and my mental health said …

I slept with four different men last week. None were strangers to me, like that somehow makes a difference, but I’ll point it out anyway. I’ve done worse, as my long-term readers know from the three-in-a-day episode several years ago but it’s been a long time since I’ve smashed (forgive the pun) out so many... Continue Reading →

The mistress returns – part 2

He answered the door dressed in board shorts and a flanno. “I knew you weren’t naked,” I said to his surprised face. “Well, I was but you know, I can’t just answer the door without any clothes on.” “But you told me you were naked.” “And I was. Didn’t you notice how long it took... Continue Reading →

The mistress returns

Sunday morningActually thinking cage for the day. Haven’t worn it for awhileDoes that still work for you when no one has ordered you to wear it?Yea it does. It’s all fun.Hot.It’s much better when someone has the key. But hey. Got to do what we go to do.What happened to date girl?Another one goneSo I’ll... Continue Reading →

A small piece of inspired (but fictional) public sex

This afternoon, as I stepped out of my hotel in Brussels, I heard a woman singing opera. As I got closer, a deep bass joined her in a duet. They were performing in front of a cathedral. I sat on a bench and watched until they finished. I felt the sun on my legs, summer... Continue Reading →

J’adore cette ville

I really do love this city - the architecture, the waffles, the beer, even the bustling crowds of tourists. It’s hot this time, hotter than I remember when I was here 12 years ago. I thought it might be weird walking the cobblestones that I last crossed with my ex-husband and, while I have thought... Continue Reading →

The return of Tom

I’ve written about this before, but it’s really spooky the way men from my past come out of the woodwork within days of becoming single. The Serbian fuck buddy who relishes my experience. The older surfer who doesn’t want a relationship but is obsessed with my butt. The married guy I never met but routinely... Continue Reading →

Missing you

I miss the tension that crackles through the air when I’m near you.  I miss the way you strip off your clothes presuming sex is not so much a given as a need.  I miss the way you tell me to sit on your face. I miss you moving my body this way and that... Continue Reading →

Sad memories in a motel

Six days since he ended it. I’ve been pre-occupied with work which has helped but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to keep thoughts of him at bay. Last night I couldn’t sleep. The sadness is creeping in. I felt it washing over me in the quiet of this afternoon. I left my motel and started... Continue Reading →

Learning old lessons … again

A few years ago, I wrote about relief and sadness in break-ups. That if the break-up comes with a feeling of relief, you know it’s for the best. The signs were there, you just ignored them. If there are only feelings of sadness, you genuinely didn’t see it coming or didn’t see the challenges as... Continue Reading →

A contented little vegemite

I open a new document and prepare to write. My hands are poised over the keyboard ready to digitally reveal my innermost turmoil. My screen remains blank. My head is empty. No, not empty. Clear. Organised, stacked and catalogued thoughts. I sit and stare at the blank screen. There must be something; some barb to... Continue Reading →

When you love someone

Being scared of losing someone you love makes you do stupid things. The near constant self-doubt, the endless torment of thinking the next time they look at you they will realise how incredibly unworthy you are of them. When everything feels too good to be real, you wait for the pinch that will wake you... Continue Reading →

Enough Tom. Enough now

After more than nine months without contact, Tom slid into my inbox. I was angry, so angry. I didn’t believe his reason for contacting me. It’s no longer his business what I’m doing or how I am. But, there he was. An unread email. We back and forthed, my anger a hot white rage. I... Continue Reading →

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