I am face down across the bed, wrists restrained together behind my back. My ankles too, cuffed in leather and metal. I'm blindfolded and it is quiet. He's left me again, walked out of the bedroom, leaving me prone and waiting. I wait minutes, hours, to hear him return. He instructs me that I am... Continue Reading →
Trying to go back to base camp was a mistake. I realised this pretty quickly, even before things turned to shit and I was medically evacuated. Without meaning to, I was trying to recreate my past. I was trying to duplicate an experience and a version of me from five years ago. It was doomed... Continue Reading →
It wasn’t the trip I was hoping for but, in a weird way, it was the trip I had planned for. No one plans to fail, to get sick, to take pretty drastic measures to get down from a mountain safely. But here I am, a few hours discharged from a hospital in Kathmandu after... Continue Reading →
Ever have one of those days where you wake up crying? Drive to a meeting crying? Cry outside the meeting, cry in the bathroom at the meeting venue, cry on the drive home, cry at home? Where you cry when someone asks you a question or you have to speak about a job you loved... Continue Reading →
There’s patterns of behaviour, of events, of situations that seem to shape my life. In four days I will finish up at the job I have (mostly) loved for the past three years. I say three years because on Thursday it will literally be three years – to the day – since I started in... Continue Reading →
It’s happened again. A man I fell for has been a liar the whole time. And not for the first time, a man has lied to me about how many kids he has. Anyone who knows me knows the one thing you can’t lie to me about, and expect forgiveness, is kids. I don’t care... Continue Reading →
I made my psychologist teary yesterday. It’s only the second time that’s happened in three or so years and perhaps, some would say, it shouldn’t happen at all. But I think it makes her human. What baffled me – and her – about yesterday’s tearful moment was what we were discussing. She asked me to... Continue Reading →
It’s just over 50 days until I head back to Nepal. I’m off to base camp – again – booked on a whim last year when I needed some kind of incentive to get me off my butt and back into something resembling fit. I remember I made the booking (inadvertently) exactly six months before... Continue Reading →
I’ve decided that 2023 will be my year of saying yes. Yes to new experiences, like going to watch the Rugby7s (I know, sports - blergh). Yes to new adventures, like returning to Nepal. And yes to new love. Yes peeps, this cynical sop has fallen in love. It started out awkwardly on Christmas Day.... Continue Reading →
Last night, I received “just because” flowers. It was just another Wednesday but we’d discussed having dinner together when we said goodbye on the weekend. He messaged me when he left work and I started cooking a few minutes before he was due. When he arrived, he handed over the Christmas gift I’d asked him... Continue Reading →
It’s amazing what some sand and water does for my wellbeing. I’ve been getting to the beach as much as I can but this week’s unexpected leave has allowed me to spend even more time in my favourite place. Today I lay on the sand reading my book for about four hours. Sure, I had... Continue Reading →
I realised how little I’ve been writing this year has a lot to do with knowing who reads these posts. I’ve found myself censoring stories, omitting details, not writing at all, simply because I’m unsure how much is making its way back to people I don’t want in my life anymore. I also know my... Continue Reading →
I ran into an acquaintance at a festival at the weekend and politely asked after his partner who wasn't with him. In his explanation, he mentioned they had been arguing lately and he suspected his partner had bipolar. I asked why he thought that. What followed was not what I would describe as bipolar but... Continue Reading →
One of the most common questions I am asked about my writing is if it's fiction or non-fiction. Out of the 169 posts I've shared, there are exactly two (this one, and this one) which did not happen exactly as written, although both were inspired by real events. Writing fiction, as I am sure I... Continue Reading →
I met someone at the weekend. We’d matched on Tinder last week, got talking, made plans to meet. After four days of all day texting, one night mid reply, he calls me. I thought it was an accident but no, there’s something he needs to tell me. My smile froze on my face and words... Continue Reading →
I used to blame the ebbs and flows of interest I had in some men to the emotional highs and lows of my mental health. And ... that's exactly what it is. However, throw in some temporary sobriety, exercise, and being off my meds, I've (not for the first time) realised, I choose the wrong... Continue Reading →
I met someone I liked unexpectedly at a party. He was smart and witty, interesting to talk to, with ambition and charisma and all those things you look for. We went round for round after the bar tab closed, and he put his hand around my waist as he leaned down to hear me speak... Continue Reading →
I slept with four different men last week. None were strangers to me, like that somehow makes a difference, but I’ll point it out anyway. I’ve done worse, as my long-term readers know from the three-in-a-day episode several years ago but it’s been a long time since I’ve smashed (forgive the pun) out so many... Continue Reading →
