If yesterday’s emotion was rage, today must be stupid. Cheyne made a fool of me for two years, pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Trying to be the person he thought I wanted him to be. I’ve wondered today how many times he must have laughed behind my back. How many times he watched my car back out of his driveway so he could light up a cigarette. How many relationships he sabotaged because he was so desperately trying to keep me for himself …
He spent last Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my family. I hadn’t wanted him to be alone until he got his kids Christmas Day afternoon. I knew how sad it could be waking up alone at Christmas and so I invited him to my family celebrations. They welcomed him and together we all ate and drank, exchanged Christmas toasts and opened gifts.
When he and I had dinner with my sister’s family recently, my nephews ran to him immediately. They bypassed me altogether in favour of a fist bump, throwing their arms around his legs in an attempt to cuddle. He integrated himself into my family and among my friends because he was “such a nice guy”.
But it was all fake. He wasn’t what he made himself out to be. And to me, who he claimed to adore, respect, care about, admire and love – he lied to me constantly. He put his girlfriend on the hook and dangled her there casually while he worked out if I would finally take his bait. If I would finally succumb to his ardent desire. He led her along as his Plan B, immediately retreating to where she was waiting when I told him he and I weren’t going to happen. He used her. He manipulated her and for what? An obsession. An infatuation.
I frequently busted him looking at me when we hung out. He would openly stare at my arse and my boobs, watch me walk into another room like a creeper. It became a running joke. He would say something about how beautiful he thought I was, how exquisite, how amazing and I would immediately respond “fuck off”. We said it so often, he started to beat me to the punch, giving me some outrageous compliment before mimicking me to say “fuck off”.
But the joke was just that he was a creep. A pathetic, lonely, lying creep and I the absolute idiot for believing him.
It’s scary to know we have way more deranged men walking the street than those institutionalized. Stay clear of this one.
Did you have much to do with his family?
Never met his siblings or parents, only his kids. He also kept his girlfriend and I from ever meeting … it is now gobsmackingly apparent why.
Documentaries are full of these people. Some go further than others, granted, but they also used their children to legitimise their harmless, loving family guy image to their victims, whether potential or actual.
They are impression managers. It must be exhausting.
Sounds like a classic narcissist sociopath with core shame so deep he cannot bear to look at himself in his real persona, so why would anyone else? I don’t buy, not for a New York minute, that he adored you. He was constantly feeling his way to find your cracks and weaknesses so he could manipulate and manoeuvre you, so he could gain control, all the while appearing gentle and passive. He needs the thrill of the chase, he needs your attention, he needs you always coming to him, he needs your money, he needs your assets available to him, and he needs your family . Your resources validate him, publicly and privately . All the words he employs are just keys, keys he tentatively tries in the locks your higher, better brain utilised to protect yourself, but these locks present to him as mere barriers, roadblocks and tests. These are hurdles a clever guy like him can overcome , it’s part of the game, so he can gain and maintain the narcissistic supply he constantly requires, but that someone else, and it doesn’t matter who, must supply . He sounds like a rat, scuttling around the edges of good, decent society in the dark shadows , stealing what other people have worked their whole lives for, so he can brag to the world it’s his – when it never was and never will be until some other trusting, hopeful, financially independent soul crosses his path and falls into his trap. There should be a national register where we can warn each other about these predators.
Wow! You just crystallised this whole experience for me. His words as keys … having a mind blown moment over here 🤯 thank you
How much money did you hand over? If you pursue him for it, then you would see him for who he really is. He’ll initially promise to pay it back to you, every cent, and when he doesn’t, and you don’t let up asking for it, then you’ll see him for the mangy, mongrel dog he is, as he snarls and bares his teeth to make you go away. He will never believe he owes you anything, because HE is the injured party remember. You stole what was rightfully his – HIS NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY.
The money isn’t what bothers me as much as the lies. Yes, he still owes me some but it’s the years of lies that have wrecked me.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. He’s likely had decades of experience doing this, and has honed his skills to such a high degree you were completely blindsided. You are likely experiencing something similar to what rape or assault victims go through and you should allow yourself time to reflect and balance what you now know he is, against who you know you are.
You did nothing wrong
You were his victim
You STOPPED him
You took back control