Ever have one of those days where you wake up crying? Drive to a meeting crying? Cry outside the meeting, cry in the bathroom at the meeting venue, cry on the drive home, cry at home? Where you cry when someone asks you a question or you have to speak about a job you loved... Continue Reading →
I met someone at the weekend. We’d matched on Tinder last week, got talking, made plans to meet. After four days of all day texting, one night mid reply, he calls me. I thought it was an accident but no, there’s something he needs to tell me. My smile froze on my face and words... Continue Reading →
I used to blame the ebbs and flows of interest I had in some men to the emotional highs and lows of my mental health. And ... that's exactly what it is. However, throw in some temporary sobriety, exercise, and being off my meds, I've (not for the first time) realised, I choose the wrong... Continue Reading →
This afternoon, as I stepped out of my hotel in Brussels, I heard a woman singing opera. As I got closer, a deep bass joined her in a duet. They were performing in front of a cathedral. I sat on a bench and watched until they finished. I felt the sun on my legs, summer... Continue Reading →
I’ve written about this before, but it’s really spooky the way men from my past come out of the woodwork within days of becoming single. The Serbian fuck buddy who relishes my experience. The older surfer who doesn’t want a relationship but is obsessed with my butt. The married guy I never met but routinely... Continue Reading →
Six days since he ended it. I’ve been pre-occupied with work which has helped but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to keep thoughts of him at bay. Last night I couldn’t sleep. The sadness is creeping in. I felt it washing over me in the quiet of this afternoon. I left my motel and started... Continue Reading →
My heart is heavy which is strange given there is a piece of it missing. I’ve lost my best friend and the weight of it is strangling. It creeps up on me at unexpected times and I remember that I can’t call them on my long drives for work, or send them a meme I... Continue Reading →
Have you ever wanted to vomit someone out of you? Expel every memory and conversation and purge yourself of everything you thought you knew? My alleged best friend of more than two years, Cheyne, is a liar. Not just a liar, a pathological cheat, manipulator and deceitful cretin. A pathetic, lame excuse for a man... Continue Reading →
I slept with Tom, three months after we called it off forever. He picked me up from the pub I was drinking at with a friend, drove us to his office and we fucked on his desk. Everything was familiar but everything was different. He knew, I think, how fragile our truce was. I had... Continue Reading →
I am so fucking glad he didn’t disappoint me by leading me on so spectacularly. I thought what he said last week he meant. The “I love yous” that just slip out are usually genuine, from a place of true feeling. Turns out, completely fucking wrong. The man doesn’t even want to be in a... Continue Reading →
It’s pretty common for me to fall down after a high. My psych told me to set up lots of small highs rather than a few big ones to stop the fall from being so severe but it doesn’t appear to be working. I completed my learners motorcycle course today but, as seems to be... Continue Reading →
The Tortoise put me on the spot last night while we lay in bed and asked me what I liked about him. You know in these circumstances, it’s always problematic to hesitate. But I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t even pause. In fact, a whole two minutes passed before I could conjure up even one thing... Continue Reading →
We punish the men in our future for the mistakes of the men from our past. And this is why I got dressed in the dark and drove home from his house at 3am. I had been laying awake for hours. It occurred to me that every night I had stayed there we had downed... Continue Reading →
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