Hope is a dirty, not a mother, fucker

The problem with people, is that we hold on to hope when there is none. Hope is so much a part of our psyche, that to give it up entirely would be to give up on humanity. That is to say, to give up on hope, we need to be dead. But having hope when... Continue Reading →

When you’re infertile and dating, when do you talk about kids?

Today I went shopping for clothes I don’t need for a “divorce” cruise I’m heading off on this Friday. It’s not actually a divorce cruise but the timing of the end of my marriage just happened to coincide with a trip my friend and her husband were going on and I was talked into it... Continue Reading →

Infertility leaves no physical scars

My mum had always told us kids that if we ever got a tattoo she would disown us. It was a serious threat that none of us had taken lightly. It had been a year since my diagnosis of immature egg syndrome. A year since I had stopped really caring what anyone thought, including my... Continue Reading →

My marriage no longer exists

Readers may have noticed that many of my stories are set in the past, and infrequently, when something is particularly significant to me, I write about the present. Today, 23 January 2018, my divorce was finalised in court. It’s been a long process, as those who have been through it know, that started when we... Continue Reading →

There’s no friendship in divorce

I’ve had my heart broken before. Been left by my fiancé for a girl he met at the gym. Been in love with guys who haven’t loved me back. But the day I told my husband I wanted a divorce, I broke my own. Not because we weren’t in love. Not because he had done... Continue Reading →

How do you prepare for the unknown?

IVF was nothing like I expected. I mean it was, but it wasn’t. I was prepared for uncontrollable mood swings, stress and injections. What I wasn’t prepared for, couldn’t have prepared for, was how much I wanted to apportion blame. When we started our IVF cycle, all our test results pointed to it being a... Continue Reading →

It’s not my fault …

Extract from an email to an old friend dated 2 June 2014, three days before my diagnosis of immature egg syndrome: Hi D, Been awhile. I'm having a crazy nostalgic reach out to my past and share things with people who were so influential in shaping my life kinda day. How are you? I don’t... Continue Reading →

Rock-a-bye bedsheets and other stupid feelings

An extract from my diary dated 29 November 2009: As always it has been far too long between entries. When I look back to my last entry, I think about all the things that have happened since. Far too much to ever get down properly. Last time I wrote, S had told me he loved... Continue Reading →

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