Ever have one of those days where you wake up crying? Drive to a meeting crying? Cry outside the meeting, cry in the bathroom at the meeting venue, cry on the drive home, cry at home? Where you cry when someone asks you a question or you have to speak about a job you loved... Continue Reading →
Inside the loneliest place in the world
I ran into an acquaintance at a festival at the weekend and politely asked after his partner who wasn't with him. In his explanation, he mentioned they had been arguing lately and he suspected his partner had bipolar. I asked why he thought that. What followed was not what I would describe as bipolar but... Continue Reading →
Sad memories in a motel
Six days since he ended it. I’ve been pre-occupied with work which has helped but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to keep thoughts of him at bay. Last night I couldn’t sleep. The sadness is creeping in. I felt it washing over me in the quiet of this afternoon. I left my motel and started... Continue Reading →
Finally growing up in lockdown
In high school, when I needed to do some thinking, I used to save it up for my shifts in the bakery. I mostly worked weekends but once I was in uni, I picked up shifts through the week as well. The monotony and repetition of bagging bread rolls, tagging products, busting out frozen dough... Continue Reading →
The sound of warmth
I didn’t walk this morning, the first time in many weeks where the thought of getting out of bed was too much for my head to handle. I scrolled through the overnight news on Twitter and the world felt dark. Bleak. There was so much sadness and tragedy unfolding around the globe and here at... Continue Reading →
When sorry can’t fix broken
My heart is heavy which is strange given there is a piece of it missing. I’ve lost my best friend and the weight of it is strangling. It creeps up on me at unexpected times and I remember that I can’t call them on my long drives for work, or send them a meme I... Continue Reading →
Sad things from my drafts folder
I found this sitting in my drafts folder, something I'd written back in January after Tom forgot my birthday. Old news now but it's a good insight into depression. Today I got up and showered. I put on make-up and even half-heartedly dried my hair. I put on a nice summer dress and took myself... Continue Reading →
Falling up
It’s pretty common for me to fall down after a high. My psych told me to set up lots of small highs rather than a few big ones to stop the fall from being so severe but it doesn’t appear to be working. I completed my learners motorcycle course today but, as seems to be... Continue Reading →
And the Boy still doesn’t want the Girl
My avid readers might recall the Boy from my Boy meets Girl tale from late last year. After it ended quite suddenly and without explanation, I quit the dating apps and gave myself until the new year to have a break and reset. As it happened, I had no sooner logged back on on 2... Continue Reading →
Letting go of what’s bad for me
Going cold turkey is never easy. The first couple of days I am buoyed by hurt and anger, steadfast in my decision, confident I deserve better. By day four, my resolve starts to weaken. I find myself thinking of you in the shower, in the car, watching TV, eating breakfast. I start to check my... Continue Reading →
How to find your zen, again
A quiet is starting to settle back over me, almost like waking up breathing freely after a cold. The snot has all been shaken loose, and I can draw clear, deep breaths. There’s a stillness in my limbs as though a fluttering bird is resting. Lighter despite inevitably rounding out the year weighing more. Ha,... Continue Reading →
The pursuit of happiness
Happiness takes effort. This was my takeaway from yesterday’s session with my psych. I’d told her that I had given up dating for the rest of this year. I am exhausted and frankly, sick of talking about it, writing about it, worrying about it. The energy it has consumed could be channelled so much more... Continue Reading →
