The endless torment of an adulteress

It had been weeks since I had cried in the shower. Weeks since I had cried about you, or was it months? It feels like only yesterday you were in my bed but it has actually been almost three months. Three months since I told you to stop contacting me. We both knew you wouldn’t.... Continue Reading →

The heavy weight of words unsaid

A tangle of limbs on my bed. Our breath, that had been coming fast and hard, gradually slows. The skin on the underside of his bicep was smooth against my cheek, my hand thrown across his chest. It had been so long since we’d seen each other and while the sex felt the same, everything... Continue Reading →

The married man’s right of reply

He wrote this as a right of reply to my previous post. I've made one minor edit to remove an irrelevant reference to a mutual couple we know: It ended all too soon. Of course, I can understand why it did, why in fact it had too. I am not the sharpest implement at times,... Continue Reading →

How I ended my affair in a spectacularly predictable way

We always get exactly what we deserve. Last night I got what I deserved. It was eight months in the making and the moment I had feared since the day he told me he was married. I wrote him a letter. I told him I was in love with him. The consequences of doing this... Continue Reading →

How I lost my way. Again

I think about you more than I should. I know it’s dangerous territory to be playing in but I can’t seem to help myself. Our time together is finite and I know it will likely end sooner than I would have it. But when you left me this last time, to return to your family,... Continue Reading →

The elephant that came too soon

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room, the one who came too soon and, get down on the record once and for all, that premature ejaculation is never the woman’s fault. Sure, our feminine wiles and bodily charms might contribute to you blowing your load before I’ve had the chance to part my legs.... Continue Reading →

Game of cat and married

He and I have been chatting for three months. He is married and should know better. Don’t be like him. And don’t be like me. It wasn’t my intention to chat to a married man after the disasters of a couple of years ago. Lies, affairs, secrets, bruises – of a physical and mental nature.... Continue Reading →

Stuck between a rock and a hard-on

“Let’s go for a walk babe.” A shiver. A tingle. Anticipation. Nerves. Anxiety. Excitement. Fear. Such an innocuous invitation that I knew actually meant “I’m going to fuck you behind those rocks and it’s quite possible multiple men will come and watch and maybe even participate”. “C’mon, babe. It’s just a walk. You don’t have... Continue Reading →

Bend over and say fuck

He reached for my hand and pulled me to a stop. I’d been about to step away from the parked car, the car we’d just got out of, to walk the hundred metres or so to the pub. We’d had two cocktails already over lunch. We thought we’d try somewhere different. We were parked in... Continue Reading →

The tale of the pretty little slave

“Do you like that my pretty slave?” “Yes master.” “You like it when I pull your hair?” “Yes master.” “Tell me how much you like it.” “I love it when you pull my hair, master.” My hands were bound, white rope biting my wrists, its length tied to the bed head, taut. My arms were... Continue Reading →

Three men and a mountain

10 November 2017 I fucked three different men on this trip. I’ve thought a lot about why, my motivations, what I got out of it and enjoyed about it. And I’ve decided that it was because I wanted to. With Shane and Bryan I had a near instant attraction. Craig was more a slow burn.... Continue Reading →

Holiday sex is actually a thing

24 October 2017 - Afternoon The taxi dropped me back to Thamel after I said goodbye to AJ and Bina but I was still to find my hotel. It took me several wrong turns and another half an hour of walking before I saw a sign for my hotel in front of me. I decided... Continue Reading →

Affairs are never of the heart

I was sitting at a cafĂ© yesterday having breakfast when Harvey the Married walked past. He was holding the hand of a young girl I presume was one of his children. I don’t think he even saw me and if he did he hid it well. It’s been almost a year since he bit me... Continue Reading →

My name is AndrewNotChris – Part II

22 September 2017 My best friend once told me I trust too quickly and too easily. That I take people at their word, when others would question their motives. And I fall quickly and hard. I fell for him. And after Terrible Tuesday when his web of deceit began to unravel, that was the time... Continue Reading →

O beware, my fuck buddy, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster

9 February 2018 jealous /dĘ’É›lÉ™s/ adjective: jealous; feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages. feeling or showing a resentful suspicion that one's partner is attracted to or involved with someone else fiercely protective of one's rights or possessions. noun: jealousy; the state or feeling of being jealous. I don’t... Continue Reading →

Riding the Italian Stallion

August 2017 It was a last-minute invite for sex at his place. It had been almost two weeks since I said goodbye to AndrewNotChris which means it had been two weeks since I'd last had sex. While I don't buy into my housemates' theory of not being able to go longer than two weeks, it... Continue Reading →

When you’re infertile and dating, when do you talk about kids?

Today I went shopping for clothes I don’t need for a “divorce” cruise I’m heading off on this Friday. It’s not actually a divorce cruise but the timing of the end of my marriage just happened to coincide with a trip my friend and her husband were going on and I was talked into it... Continue Reading →

My name is AndrewNotChris – Part I

July 2017 I had been off work for two weeks before I could get an appointment with a psychologist. I had been seeing a psych regularly after my infertility diagnosis in 2014. Wendy and I would meet fortnightly or sometimes weekly, depending on how low my mood was. I was taking anti-depressants but it helped... Continue Reading →

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