Right, readers, I need some advice. It’s not often I don’t have a gut feeling one way or the other but at the moment I am genuinely unsure. I need to know how old is too old or if there is even such a thing as too old.
A 48-year-old man, turning 49 in November, wants to date me. Well, he wants to try a relationship but it’s all a bit quick for that just yet so let’s settle with dating. I met him for the first time at the weekend after several weeks of text and phone calls. We connected via POF when he sent me an unsolicited message.
It was unusual for me to respond to him because a quick check of his profile revealed he lived in Sydney, at least 1.5 hours away depending on where exactly he lived. Sydney for me was almost an automatic rejection because a) I didn’t ever want to live in Sydney again b) I wasn’t interested in maintaining anything long distance.
Nevertheless, I replied and he peppered me with questions. Questions turned into banter turned into texts and calls. So, when he finally offered to come and meet me, I agreed. Being that we are still in lockdown, the meeting was initially planned for the local park for the reasonable excuse of exercise (btw, he has an exemption to travel outside of Sydney because he has a farm local to my area) but a cold windy day prompted me to invite him to my place directly.
He stayed for about six hours. Chatting, turned into making out, turning into dinner, and more making out. We did not sleep together and he went home for the night.
Yesterday morning he messaged me to say he liked me and was interested in a relationship with me. I clarified this down to dating exclusively (so many labels these days) but it was all feeling a bit quick. He said when he likes something, he’d rather take a chance on it than do nothing. He seems genuine, intelligent, ambitious, successful (but don’t they all?). Oh, and his dating profile said he was 43.
Last night we were talking on the phone and something about age came up. I couldn’t remember off the top of my head his age in that moment and I casually asked him “how old are you again?”. When he replied 48, I was taken aback. My surprise was real and it took me several moments to realise he was serious.
He was extremely apologetic. He did think he had already told me when we first started chatting weeks ago. I scanned our messages with him still on the phone but no, while age came up, he never specifically said his own. He asked me if it was a deal-breaker. I wasn’t angry or upset about the reveal but I am disconcerted by it.
He’ll be 49 in November and my birthday is in January when I’ll turn 38. It means he will turn 50 before I turn 40 and that to me sounds a bit much. For some context, my older sibling is five years older than me at 42. My parents are 65 and 66. His kids are young, both under 10, so it’s not like I missed the signs.
The most recent men I’ve dated, including Tom, have been in their 40s but not older than 45. I do prefer older men to younger and, while fun to fuck, I do notice the age difference with younger men more so than older.
Am I being ridiculous? Does age actually matter? Is he too old for me?